Many years ago I tried ashtanga yoga but my very gay wrists could not handle it. Whenever I did the downward facing dog, it hurt big time. I later had surgery for the problem but I did not return to my practice. Until this spring. I soon realized two things: First, that I actually liked it. Second, that the matts you borrowed were disgusting and unhygienic. So I got myself a matt of my own, a black organic matt with almost magical features, it releases negative ions when being used. And that is good for you. Apparently. What it also does is giving me is tiny flesh wounds under my big toe when I jump to plank, so now I have to tape my toe. And it is from an organic yoga matt.

The question is, am I the Princess in The Princess And The Pea? Apparently.