Who needs gaydar when there is gay litmus?

When I was a child I had this book. I do not remember much of it, not the name, not the author. I remember one scene only; a large dinner party with a lot of people around the table. The hero is unsure of who is a good and who is evil and in order to find out, the hero puts a potion in the food and the secret is revealed in the shape of different colored sparks or flames over each persons head. Like brutal litmus.

Picture it: high school, early 1990s. Daydreaming in the cafeteria, wanting that potion so bad. My gaydar at the time was beyond bad, no-one was out and different colored flames over their heads to let only me know who was straight and who was not would have been a blessing. But no, I went through high school unkissed and frustrated.

It is early August and I am working out at the gym. A guys passes me, I notice two things: First, he is butch but cute. Second, he has got glitter leftovers in his face and in his chest hair. It is the kind of glitter you get from drag queens of all genders, not from girlfriends. The kind of glitter I still find in my flat weeks after Stockholm Pride each year.

I have found it, gay litmus!

My Gaydar Failed Me

After so many years on the gay scene, my gaydar i highly sensitive. Especially at the gym. And ESPECIALLY when gay guys are working out as a couple. But sometimes the gaydar fails, and it did so the other day. Luckily, the guys helped me out.

How, you might wonder? Very simple, by displaying a matching set of his and his Missoni towels outside the sauna.

Are you trying to fly under my gaydar?

His butch gym walk is truly perfection. He has got two half sleeves with japanese inspired tatoos. Not a smile on his face ever. Good proportions which makes him look taler than he is. Which is probably the point. At first glance, I read him as a straight guy that I would be afraid to ask anything. But wait a minute, his royal blue adidas sox matches his nylon shorts. Both in color and striping. Yes, he is a fruit! It was confirmed 30 minutes later when he overheard him talking to a confirmed Mary in the looker room about his work at a large budget clothing chain in Stockholm.

Does it matter? No. Why do I do it? Others play Wordfeud. I keep my gaydar sharp.